You’re not alone in that. <3 😉
I happen to not be a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Not really because it reminds me I’m not in a relationship, so much as the fact that I quickly tire of seeing that much of that shade of red (you know, the typical bright Valentine’s Day red) everywhere, and if I were to celebrate, I can’t eat chocolate anyway, can’t drink wine, can’t tolerate synthetic fragrances, and cards collect dust (I mean, I appreciate them, but I wouldn’t feel hurt or upset if someone didn’t want to bother to get me one. Because then I’d either have to throw it away after reading it (which feels a bit heartless), or I’d have to find a place to put it. Cards are most meaningful when random, unexpected, or given during a rough patch in life.)
Plus, it saddens me to see Valentine’s Day transform into an opportunity for people to get upset or hurt if their loved one forgot the “special day”, and consequently neglected to give/do anything in recognition of the holiday and the relationship. Like, don’t you do and give something to recognize the relationship every day? Maybe things that go unnoticed or are taken for granted, but don’t you cook for each other or do the dishes or keep the books or talk or embrace often?
Perpetually single girl speaking here. I’m just observing relationships and married life in confusion, awe, and perplexion, imagining how I’d operate and function in such a world, and wondering at the seemingly nitpicky complaints and troubles that so easily mushroom into major ones in that environment.
But truly, I hope that if and when I’m in a relationship someday, our love would be deep-rooted and solid enough that I wouldn’t need mini trinkets to bolster my sense of security or convince me that we’re still “in love”. Indeed, even in a “shaky” or “poor” relationship, such tokens would offer little to reassure me.
I would hope that our love would be marked by give-and-take every day. Not of things or stuff or cards. But of service, sacrifice, mutual learning, counsel, trust, and sharing of information, quality time where possible, and lots of hugs and touch. 🙂 And when one of us couldn’t meet expectations or had to rely more on the other to “carry the load”, we would still stick together. We wouldn’t say “Hey! You didn’t meet your work or love quota for the day!” We would extend grace.
I may be an idealist who’s never been in a relationship, but having been fortunate to have had the opportunity to witness lasting love between my parents and many other couples, I know that this kind of love is possible. The problem is, it takes work, persistence, and a lot of pain along the way. And most of us are terrified to run that gauntlet.
And I also realize – from witnessing other couples’ relationships (including some really unstable marriages) – that there are some incredibly toxic people out there who truly seem to be incapable of give-and-take, negotiation, other-mindedness, learning, or reasoning. Hopefully, we are able to recognize warning signs and red flags early on, before we ever commit.
Seriously though, if it’s a solid relationship, a holiday isn’t necessary to know that. If your love is strong, you don’t need presents or tokens other than fellowship and hugs (if physically possible – I know this is something military spouses often sacrifice) and steadfastness to know that you’re secure and loved.
And to love someone in the first place, you actually don’t need any of those things at all. Love is something you give without expecting anything back. If you expect something back, I’m not sure it can really be called love. Once reciprocation or ROI is expected, it becomes a transaction. Business.
All of that said, I get it. February can already be challenging enough, without the added pain of a holiday that reminds many of us of what we don’t have. Of things that aren’t (whether the thing that isn’t is being in a relationship or being “remembered” on Valentine’s Day).
In response to this painful reminder, some of us even go so far as to mourn our singleness on Valentine’s Day with black flowers and ice cream “binge eating” sessions.
That be you? Hope this “infographic” can offer some encouragement. <3
With that, my lovelies, I send you mega cyber hugs, and wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. <3
© 2018 Kate Richardson All Rights Reserved